Well, it’s already faded from my mind, so I had some help from Richard and Mom when writing this part up. We were scheduled for an induction on March 28, 2012 at 7:30 in the morning. Richard and I got up around 5:30, showered, packed up the last remaining items we wanted to take, and I whipped us up a quick breakfast. Mom and Heather would both meet us in L&D later on that day, as we expected I’d be in labor for a while. The ride down to Winchester was pretty quiet and reflective for us both. It’s strange to know your life is about to change in a big, big way but still not fully understanding just how exactly it’s about to change.
We got to the hospital and got all settled in. Because we were already at 3cm when we got checked that morning, our doctor decided to just start me off on the Pitocin and see how things progressed. She offered me pain meds straight away and said I was welcome to have them at any point. She said her philosophy is you wouldn’t still treat a leg amputation with a swig of whiskey, why go through childbirth without a little numbing? As Richard and I had discussed, I was going to try and go without anything for as long as I could stand it (with the hopes of not needing/wanting anything at all). The Pitocin started around 9:30am.
The earliest contractions weren’t even felt. The ones I’d had at home were much stronger than the ones I was experiencing for the first hour or two. The Pitocin could be increased in increments of 2 or 4 every half an hour and up to the number 30 (though I’m not sure I can explain exactly what that means). We brought along our Scrabble board (yes, we are THAT dorky) and so we pulled that out. Mom got to the hospital around 11:00 or so; we managed to convince her to join our game. Though my contractions were close together and a little more intense, they were still pretty manageable. Heather got to Labor and Delivery around 1:30. My Support Team was giving me a pretty hard time at this point. Again, my contractions were pretty manageable, though increasingly uncomfortable…. Which is how I was describing them. I’d breathe through one and then remark, “that wasn’t very pleasant.” My mother described it as very aristocratic and almost British. Haha! For those who know me fairly well, while I’m an open book about things I am also pretty modest. I refused to consider or think about what was quickly coming down the pike for me – the pushing…! I was really hopeful, at this point, that this was going to be easier than I thought.
Then, my doctor arrived to check on me around 3:00pm. Samantha was wiggling around A LOT and they were having a really hard time keeping her on the monitor. Since we were getting the Pitocin, the baby had to be monitored constantly (thus, restricting me to the bed). They had decided since my progress had slowed a little and Sam was giving them a hard time with the monitor that they’d break my water and place a monitor on her head.
Having my water broken was one of the strangest sensations of my life! It felt an awful lot like peeing my pants only without any control to stop it. And, I know this is a little TMI but I figure if you’re reading this section of the blog you can handle it… I had a lot of fluid. At every check of my amniotic fluid, the doctors remarked on her being well cushioned. So when Doctor D. broke my water, I gushed… flooded my bed and washed away Sam’s monitor. It was a movie style river. And it didn’t just stop there. With every contraction that followed, more flushed out. And about a half an hour later, I stood up to go to the bathroom and left an enormous puddle on the floor behind me (for which I apologized profusely).
I have to give Richard credit here. I’d been so adamant throughout our whole pregnancy that I didn’t want to have any pain medications. I’d asked him to just keep me focused on getting through without it, breathe, and relax. I had a few reasons for wanting to do it without drugs and he did an excellent job of reminding me why I didn’t want anything. But hearing that we weren’t as far along as we thought we were I was pretty disheartened. I was worried that if this kept up for several more hours, I wouldn’t have the strength or energy to push. And I really didn’t want to end up going through all that to be too weak to get her out and end up in the operating room anyway. Mom and Heather gave Richard and me a few minutes to discuss our options. I asked for the lowest dose of the lightest meds they could give me – but something that would work. I was beyond Tylenol, haha! She brought me back a shot of Nubain at about 6:00pm. The relief was very quick, within five minutes. And things get a little extra fuzzy for me here…
I still felt the contractions, every second of them. The pain medication didn’t do much of anything to dull the pain, but it did dull my reaction to the pain. I stopped caring so much about how badly it hurt until it was hurting, which meant I was relaxing again between contractions. Things picked up speed at that point, because I was relaxing again. Apparently, I was pretty funny doped up. I kept telling Richard I was “stoned out of my mind” and that “this is why I don’t do drugs”.
I vaguely remember Sara, the delivery nurse, coming in and setting up the delivery table. I have a hazy memory of Richard going to call his mom, which I later realized must have been just before the pushing started. Then, my entire world revolved around pain and pushing. I won’t get into the gory details, but holy cow…! That was truly the most painful and terrifying thing I’ve ever done. I ended up pushing for about an hour. The doctor had told us that the average pushing time for a first time mother is two hours, so I was pleased to have had her “quickly.”
At one point, I had to move to my side (OUCH!) because a bit of the cord was pinched behind her head. Moving took the pressure off the cord and her heart rate returned to normal. Meanwhile, I was having some difficulty not panicking (aka: hyperventilating), so they gave me some oxygen. I hated the oxygen mask because it was too big or too loose and kept moving when I was trying to push. It also made it harder (ironically) to take a deep breath between pushes.
Doctor D. saw that I was going to tear, so she lidocained the area. Next thing I know, there is a screaming baby in Dr. D’s arms and Richard had scissors in his hand. It took him two attempts to cut the umbilical cord. They put her on my chest right after that, but only for a moment. They moved her over to a table in the room to check her Apgar Score and whatever else they assess at that time. While they cleaned her up a little and did all of that, I got to deliver the placenta. Let me just go ahead and tell all you moms-to-be out there – this is the most painful part! I had no idea it would hurt that badly! The nurse pushed down on my stomach and sort of “massaged” while I had to push more. The doctor had the umbilical cord and sort of pulled from her end. It was just awful. Then, she stitched up my second degree (out of four) tear. 
Sometime between or during the stitching, I got Samantha back. At that point they let me have some skin to skin time with her. I had expected this overwhelming rush of unconditional love and a feeling of bliss or peace or something. That was not how I felt. It wasn’t an unhappy moment, don’t misunderstand. But it was more fear than joy. All I saw was her. All I thought was “her”. In that moment the entire world revolved around her and I realized that – for me, at least – it always would. I knew I loved her, but on a deeper level that definitely was not the sunshine and butterflies or happy fuzzies you get when you experience your first kiss or develop a crush. It was much more sobering than that. It was a heartbreaking kind of love. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to describe it properly, but that’s the best I can do at this time. 
Anyway, they were able to move us up to the Mother/Child floor soon after. My mom was able to stick around for Samantha’s very first bath. When the techs left, I made my facebook post and Richard and I ate some Subway. I enjoyed that cookie very, very much! Hahaha! Then we slept – for a couple of hours anyway. As Mommy, I am now the food supply… So that’s the Labor and Delivery story.
Some bits and pieces that didn’t fit in, but that I’d like to remember and share:
- Our first nurse, who stayed with us during the day, was named Sara (no “h”). She has a daughter named Hannah Samantha Noelle, which we thought was beyond cool. (Hannah is one of my favorite names for a girl and at one point was a potential middle name for Sam.)
- Our second nurse, the one there during delivery, was also named Sarah. I don’t really remember much of her since she came after I had the Nubain.
- The nurse we had the next two days on the Mother/Child floor was also named Sarah. She was an older lady and honestly, I didn’t care much for her.
- Walking after delivery was the weirdest sensation of emptiness. It was also harder to breathe than I thought it would be.
- Two weeks post delivery, I’ve already forgotten what it felt like to be pregnant and the pain of the delivery. When asked if I’d do it without drugs (or an epidural) again, I find myself saying “yeah” instead of “I have no idea” or “no way.”
- Telling a laboring woman to wait to push is the most agonizing thing ever. And at some point, your body no longer cares what the doctor says and pushes without your consent.
- It’s amazing how much thinner my ankles look now. It’s also wonderful to be able to reach my toes again.
- Now for the most exciting tidbit… I left the hospital 10 pounds under my prepregancy weight! Since I’ve been home, in the last two weeks, I am now 16 pounds under that! Four pounds under my wedding weight. Hahaha!! I’m .8 pounds from my first goal. I’m super excited by this and hope to keep steady going down to my second goal weight. I didn’t think I would feel very attractive with a tummy full of stretch marks and flab, but I feel FANTASTIC!!
1 comment:
YAY!! Loved reading this! :)
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