Yo Quiero...

I think it’s only fair that since the last post was full of not-so-great news that this post be full of better news.  And I think I can make that happen….

To start, I’ve been checking my blood four times a day for a little over a week and am pleased to report that only three of my numbers went high enough to have to report my meals (over 140) and nothing has been lower than 70.  The first morning I was testing I had a bowl of Special K with red berries.  Apparently that’s only healthy for you if you don’t have a problem with carbs or sugars.  Lol!  My after breakfast reading that day was 198.  Then, on Richard’s birthday, I was high after our dinner at Outback.  Then again today, we had breakfast at the diner.  Breakfast is not easy for me.  Basically, if I eat anything other than eggs I have a problem.  Hahaha!  But, I’m learning. 

In the realm of pregnancy…  oy… Well, I had hoped that I missed the whole morning sickness thing all together; that does not seem to be the case.  The last two weeks or so, I’ve been struggling first thing in the morning with nausea.  I also have about a 10 to 15 minute car ride capacity.  If I’m driving I can last a lot longer, but as a passenger I can’t last very long without getting horribly car sick.  I’m also pretty miserable with my sinus problems.  I frequently sneeze my pants off and that gets old pretty quickly.  But it’s not all bad!!  There is the loveliness of…  Taco Bell.

Now, I should explain.  I LOVE Mexican food.  As such, I have always hated Taco Bell because it just seemed subpar.  However, I have had the most incessant craving for tacos or taco salad.  I cannot seem to get enough.  The corn shell… the salsa…  the crisp lettuce…  the salty olives… Oy, I’m drooling now!  And what’s the fastest and cheapest avenue to taco-y goodness?  Taco Bell.  So, I’ve had to relinquish my snobby disdain and admit “yo quiero Taco Bell.”    

And, last but not least, we have some news on the house front.  Today we got the call that we have been preapproved to buy a new home!!!!  This is super great news.  Reinie, my darling realtor friend, found us a lender who is willing to work with us before December!  Of course, now that we’re down to a single income, we weren’t approved for a huge amount.  But it will be enough to get us into a bigger house where our little family can grow.  Richard’s mom will be moving into our house here in Ranson, which will be a huge help for us!  I am so humbled by how wonderfully things seem to work out for us.  There is a chance that I may have to return to work – on a part time or limited basis.  But we’ll see.  It depends on whether we take full advantage of the amount offered to us or keep it frugal.  We’re trying to keep an open mind for what will best suit our family and our plans for the next 10 years or so. 

All in all it’s been a pretty good week and I’m feeling really positive!  I’ve been enjoying my gym/swim time.  My car’s breaks were fixed under warranty (just had to pay a small deductible) and my oil change was free thanks to the Ford Advantage card thing we have.  Money is still tight for us until Richard’s next paycheck, but things are looking decidedly UP!  :o) 

Lil Pea's first photo shot and news

This week has been a little rough on Richard and I.  It hasn’t been a bad week, per say.  Rather, when we were hoping for good news we got not-quite-good-or-bad news.  It’s been more like several small but large let downs.  Let me see if I can explain…

First, we're a little tight on money this month with Richard's switch to paychecks instead of cash.  No biggie, really.  But then my breaks started acticing funny (even though they were just replaced), which means a trip to the shop.  And then, Richard got a ticket for his inspection sticker (PA instead of WV), which neither of us noticed cause they look friggin identical.  Another trip to the shop and to the courthouse to pay the ticket.  So while we were just looking at being tight until the 23rd, it looks like it might be more like the 6th of September.  Not a huge deal, just frustrating.  I was going to take him to Busch Gardens for his birthday (August 22nd), but we just can't swing it now.  Bummer. 

Then it gets a little bigger.  I have a girl friend who is a real estate agent.  We went to talk to her last week about rental properties for Richard’s mom.  She’s supposed to be moving down this September.  One thing led to another and the conversation turned to us.  What if we bought a bigger house and his mom rented our current home from us?  We’d been under the impression that this wasn’t possible because of our debt load and Richard’s commissioned income (moreover that he hasn’t been a dealer for 2 years yet).  Apparently, Reinie (my friend) had found a lender more willing to work with the new dealers.  Unfortunately, after a week of waiting on tenterhooks, we were informed that they are willing to go less than two years but they want to wait until December (or 18 months). 

This is a pretty big bummer.  I should be nice and pregnant by December and less interested in moving.  What are we supposed to do with his mom between now and December/January?  Do we get her an apartment and then move her and us when we can buy?  Or do Richard and I find somewhere to hang out between now and then?  Meanwhile, how on earth do I set up my nursery?!?  I don’t want to set it up here, if we’re going to move before baby arrives.  I cannot remain sane and wait until we move to even get started on setting up a space for Lil Pea.  So what do we do??  What makes the most sense?  I don’t think I want to wait a full year.  I don’t want to move with a newborn either.  I think I’d rather move pregnant. 

So we’ve been dealing with all these questions and uncertainties since Monday.  Then yesterday was our first fasting blood sugar and first ultrasound!  We were both very excited about this part…

Well, I started feeling pretty sick on the way to Winchester.  I felt hot and cold, shaky, and nauseated.  I had a pretty good idea that wasn’t a good sign.  My test was scheduled at 10, but I actually got poked a little earlier.  Afterwards, Richard and I went to Bob Evans for breakfast.  It took me a good solid half an hour to get more than juice down my throat.  I felt awful and certain that if any food entered my mouth it would instantly reappear.  Once I did manage to eat some, I started to feel better physically.  Mentally, I already knew how my meeting with her later in the day would go…

Our ultrasound was at 1:15, so we walked around the Winchester Mall for a while before heading back.  I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to pass my blood sugar test with flying colors, but nothing could stop me from getting excited about seeing Lil Pea for the first time!  Richard and I have looked up several ultrasound videos on You Tube between 10 and 12 weeks, just to get an idea of what we might see. 

The room for the ultrasound was really small.  I had expected something totally different.  It was pretty much just an exam room with a computer and a TV on the wall.  I put Richard under strict orders to take a picture with my phone so we could send it to my mom and sisters (which he totally forgot to do, lol).  When Dr. D came in, she told me that I had not passed my blood sugar test that morning, but not by a lot.  Just a couple little points.  Nevertheless, she was going to label me with gestational diabetes and load me up on prescriptions for all the supplies I would need.  She assured me that this wasn’t the end of the world and that it could all be easily managed through diet and exercise and drugs (if need be). 

For starters, I get to prick my finger 4 times a day and record my results on a piece of paper I have to fax to them once a week.  If my results are over 140, I have to tell them what I’ve eaten for the day/meal.  I have to exercise daily, which I’ve almost been doing anyway.  I’ve been about 5 days a week as previously discussed with Dr. D.  I’ve been swimming every other day and I love that.  I’m also riding my stationary bike at home some and walking some.  I’ll be increasing all of that now.  She is sending me to a dietician and/or a diabetic councilor.  It was a bit of a blur so I have to check my papers and calendar to know for certain who I’m seeing and when. 

Once we finished going over all of that, she had me lay down for our first peek at Lil Pea.  This was the moment we’d been waiting for!!  She was doing the first one vaginally because they weren’t sure how far along we were and she said she could expect clearer results vaginally.  Good thing, too.  Cause we were all pretty surprised when Lil Pea appeared on the screen.  A very teeny tiny Lil Pea…  When Dr. D did the crown-to-rump measurement, Lil Pea measured just 1.4 cm!!!!  Putting us at only 7 weeks and 3 days!?!?  Whoa…  We thought we were a lot further along – even the doctor was surprised.  But with the PCOS and my irregular ovulation cycle, I can’t say I’m that surprised there either. 

Then she turned on the mic and we heard his/her little heart beat.  Thump, thump, thump, thump.  Whoa.  I totally teared up.  It was easily the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.  Dr. D measured the heart beat and said it was good and strong.  *sigh of relief*  Good news.  She snapped a picture for us…   (It was the last of the paper on the roll, so it came out all bent up and cut off.  *frown*)

So, I was a little bit of a mess last night.  We came home from the doctors and I took a nap.  I needed to absorb this new information.  I can’t say I’m surprised, really.  I’m not.  I’m disappointed in myself.  I feel a lot like I did after I graduated high school…  Everyone kept talking about how important grades were, but I just never really understood.  I felt like I’d learned enough.  I felt like I was smart enough.  Then when I got to college I realized what they meant.  I realized that I didn’t know how to study.  I realized I didn’t know how to write a paper or take good notes.  And I wished that I could go back to high school and try again.  I could do so much better if I could go back and fix it before it was a problem. 

That’s how I feel now.  I feel like if I could go back and fix this before it became a problem, I would.  If I only understood then how I would feel now… sitting here… terrified….  My lil pea is still so little that so much could go wrong.  And I’m not as healthy as I should be.  I feel like such a danger to my own…  ugh!  Richard pulled some statistics and once you’ve heard a good, strong heart beat by the 7^th or 8^th week the odds of miscarriage drop to around 3%.  So, he tells me that things are probably going to be okay. 

So, for the next several weeks, I’ll be trying to get a handle on this sugar thing and spending some extra time at the pool/gym. 

Oh!  On more thing, our new due date is March 29th.    

As things sink in...

Tuesday is fast approaching and I can hardly wait!!  We have our first ultrasound and will get to see our first pictures of “Lil Pea”. 

It’s been rough, waiting for the time to pass by.  I feel desperately like I should be doing something to prepare.  Part of me is dying to start redesigning the second bedroom.  I want to go pick out paint and a crib.  I want to find the perfect curtains.  I want start buying all the little odds and ends that I want to have around before “Lil Pea” arrives.  I want to make the room feel warm, cozy, and inviting.  At the same time, I feel like it’s too soon and I don’t want to get carried away.  I’m still afraid to believe this is really and truly happening. 

I think the hardest part though, is that I feel totally unprepared.  I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.  Haha!  My body has been hijacked and my brain is on autopilot.  I’m not in control of anything anymore.  I can’t get my thoughts to remain organized.  I haven’t felt this spacey since elementary school.  I truly believe if my husband sent me to brush my teeth and get ready for bed, he’d find me building a Lego castle on our bedroom floor 45 minutes later (like my mom did so many years before).  I really have no idea whether I’m coming or going; which way is up?    

The chaos in my mind leads to some fears about repeating some of the school failures of my past in mommy form.  Richard and I were talking the other night about it.  I was telling him how I’m worried that I won’t be a good mom.  What if I forget something important?  Like what if he’s allergic to something and I forget and give it to him.  What if I get distracted by something and he chokes.  Or I forget to change his diaper frequently enough and he gets diaper rash.  There are a million things that could go wrong just because I’m not paying as much attention as I should.  It’s not like forgetting to turn in homework or mail a bill on time – this is a child, for cryin’ out loud…       

Those concerns tend to turn into even more extreme and unrealistic fears.  I start to worry that I won’t like being a mom.  Maybe I’m too selfish and I like all the free time I have now.  What if I get tired of it!?  Haha, it’s not like I can give it back!!  What if I think unkind thoughts about my baby?  Or what if I get postpartum depression and I don’t want to even look at my baby!?  Will I never get to sleep in again?

Obviously, I think I’m just experiencing a normal reaction to the realization that our lives are about to change forever.  I’m totally thrilled with the idea of being a mother.  When Richard and I decided over a year and a half ago that we would start trying for a baby, we discussed the changes that would result.  We didn’t go into this blind; there certainly are things that we won’t be able to do again for a very long time.  But then I remind myself why and is it more important to hop in your car and head to the beach sporadically on the summer weekends or would you rather have a baby.  I pull up You Tube and I search for ultrasound videos at whatever week I’m at (12 today!)… and I look at what our baby might look like…  I am so overwhelmed with the beauty and joy of it all…  I just know that Tuesday will take my breath away…. 

Or I look at pictures of my cousin’s son (who is about to turn one!) playing in his sand tray or taking his first steps and my heart just melts.  I realize that I’m going to be doing that myself soon…!  I’m seeing the pictures of my friends and family who have new babies in a totally new light.  And I realize that all my fears are totally baseless, because I cannot wait to crawl around on the floor with my kid.  I can’t wait to go exploring and watch their little faces light up as they discover something new! 

Right now, it’s hard for it to feel real.  I feel run down, tired, and a little discombobulated.  I can’t see “Lil Pea” and February/March seems such a long way away.  I think once we see “lil Pea” on Tuesday some of this will change.  I think this will become more real for us and we will be able to start making adjustments.  I still have not bought a single baby item and I hope to change that once I have that picture in my hands.  I think that this coming week is going to be a major turning point for us.  We’re getting very close to crossing into second trimester territory and we’ll finally get to see how our little pea is progressing!  Yay!         

There's a Pea in my Pod!

Perhaps I’m extra emotional or perhaps it’s just really cute, I’m not sure… BUT, the other day I was window shopping funny maternity tops.  I had about 50 tabs open on my browser of all the favorites I’d pulled out.

“Beach ball smuggler”

“Oops, I swallowed a watermelon seed!”

“I grow humans; what’s your superpower?”

But there was one… I laughed until I got tears in my eyes.  I can’t stop saying it and green is quickly becoming my new favorite color…  this could turn into my nursery room theme…

I love it!!!!! 

My mom and I were discussing baby bump nicknames.  She said that one of my cousins was called Alf and that she called us Fred and my cousin called hers Baby Coop.  She wanted to know if Richard and I had any names for the future baby bump.  I told her we had kicked a few names around.  We tried to smush our boy name and our girl name together (like Ben and Jennifer became Bennifer).  But we didn’t like any combinations of our chosen names.  And dear god, "baby Everingham" is such a mouthful!!  Poor kid.

When I was telling my mom about this shirt today at lunch (because, like I said, I can’t stop talking about it), she suggested we call the baby “Lil Pea”.  So now I’m hooked!!  I still gotta see if I can sell it to the hubby, but I think he’ll like it. 

Ah!  There’s a pea in my pod!!!!  Hahahahahaha!! 

Playing Catch-up – The first exam

Our appointment with our general practitioner resulted in a referral to a new gynecologist group!  Yay!!  I was not going back to my previous doctor for any reason at all!!  I did a lot of asking around about OBGYNs and ended up picking a group that came highly recommended and had a high risk specialist in their group.  This way, no matter what happened, I was with the same group of 5 doctors – and it would be one of those 5 that would deliver our baby.  I like that a lot.  Our GP set up the appointments for our Orientation and then for our first exam.  The orientation was August 2^nd and the exam was on the 4^th.  Richard is off work on Tuesdays and Thursdays; he wanted to be able to come to my appointments with me. 

The orientation was a bit of a waste of time.  Most of the information they provided us we already knew or could have easily looked up.  Richard really didn’t need to attend that little meeting.  It was set up as a group of newly pregnant women.  Or girls, I should say.  I was easily the oldest one there!  I think everyone else was “barely legal;” truly, I’m certain they were 18 or younger.  Richard was the only guy, bless him.  But, I brought him along because I’d been given the impression that they were going to do a family history, weight check, and blood pressure check at that time.  Oh well, at least we got to see the place. 

Thursday’s appointment was different.  I won’t go into all the details, I promise.  But she did take our family histories and get a baseline for all the other things they’ll measure along the way.  Richard and I decided not to do the genetic screenings.  It’s pretty expensive and the results wouldn’t change anything (as in, we wouldn’t terminate), so we decided not to bother.  Plus, did you know there is a 5% chance that the results could be wrong anyway!?  

They took my blood.  And can I just throw a pet peeve out there…?  I have pretty good veins and they can pump a lot of blood, pretty quickly.  I’ve filled Red Cross bags in 5/10 minutes.  But I can’t tell you how often I get some sweet young nurse who sticks a needle in my arm and then swishes it around, hunting for a vein.  Really!?!?  You know how much that hurts!!  She seemed to get all flustered when she couldn’t get any blood to come out.  Then she jumped when it whooshed out, which moved the needle and she had to do it again!  Swirling a needle around under your skin hoping to hit a vein is just cruel and unusual punishment, lol! 

Anyway, so she did do a quick pelvic exam and swiped for the STDs they are required by law to check for.  It was all very routine and I was a little disappointed.  I’d hoped that we’d get to hear something at least….  My book had said we might and I got my hopes up.  But because of my PCOS, they aren’t sure exactly how far along we are (my cycles are not regular).  As such, we get to do a first trimester ultrasound on August 16^th.  This will be mostly to figure out how far along we are, which they can tell by size. 

For the moment, I am to continue taking my Metformin (through next Friday), but will be doing a fasting sugar test on the 16^th as well.  Because diabetes occurs pretty heavily in my family and with the PCOS insulin resistance already showcased, she is concerned about keeping my sugar in check.  It just means that I’ll have to work extra hard to insure everything goes smoothly.  I can only do my best.  This is the most important thing in the world to me and I’m determined to do it well. 

So, that’s where we are at for the moment.  Not much information, yet.  If we go by our cycle, then we’re at 10 weeks 6 days today.  Her due day guess was February 27^th.  When I was tracking my ovulation, I tended to ovulate later in my cycle than most.  So, I’d guess we’ll be closer to early March.  Who knows!!  Hahaha, that’s out of my hands.  All I can do is pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Which is all I’ve been doing since we saw that plus sign!!    

Very big news!

OH.  MY.  GOODNESS.

 

We’re PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I suppose this story starts on July 19^th.  Richard had been harping on me to take a pregnancy test for a several days.  My last cycle began on May 21^st.  Since we started TTC (or “Trying To Conceive”), it’s not been uncommon for me to miss a period (which also means no ovulation).  When I missed June, I wasn’t concerned and didn’t bother to test.  I figured with me leaving my job and Diana’s wedding all happening right on top of each other, it made sense to me that I’d miss.  As July wore on, however, I realized that it had been a while since my last period and maybe I might consider testing.  I decided that if I hadn’t started by the end of July I would test. 

I relayed this plan to Richard, but he wasn’t interested in waiting.  Monday night (7/18), he pushed for me to test the next morning.  “Can’t you just humor me?”  he asked.  I was kind of upset with him.  I didn’t want to test AGAIN.  I didn’t want to see ANOTHER negative result.  I was so tired of feeling like a total failure and I told him that I was pretty much out of hope.  I was pretty much done trying.  We had one test left under the sink.  If it meant that much to him, I’d do it. 

The next morning, he asked me again if I would “pee on a stick”.  I said I didn’t really feel like it.  My stomach was all crampy and my breasts were sore and tender.  My period was imminent; there was no point in testing.  He hrumphed at me and I could tell that he was frustrated with me.  So, while he took the dog out back to run around, I pulled out the test.  I bustled around the house getting something to drink and waiting for the test to be finished.  I was all prepared to go out back and say “I told you so” to Richard.  However, when I reached in the bathroom to grab it, I noticed it didn’t say “Not”...!?  It just said “Pregnant”. 

“Holy shit….  Holy shit……  Holy shit……” were the first words I exclaimed (the same words Richard heard when he asked me to marry him, lol!).  I came out the door, just repeating that over and over again.  I handed the test strip to Richard who enthusiastically jumped up from his chair and kissed me. 

He wanted me to make a doctor’s appointment as quickly as possible.  I knew there was no way I’d get into a GYN’s office quickly especially since we were between doctors, so I called my GP.  They were as wonderful as usual and found an opening at 12:30.  I felt a little silly about rushing off that way, I mean it’s not like they would do anything different than another urine sample pregnancy test.  But I wanted to hear it from someone else as much as he did, I guess.  We saw a different doctor than I usually saw, but she checked me out and (of course) had me provide her a sample.  When their test came back positive as well, I was through the moon!! 

Dr. Jodi said that it was her guess that I was between 6 and 8 weeks pregnant at that point, but that’s going off my last cycle as being May 21^st.  I don’t believe that we’re actually that far along, but we won’t really know until they check me out more thoroughly.  Our orientation appointment was set up for August 2^nd and my first exam was set up for August 4^th with a doctor that came very highly recommended.

We rushed off to the bookstore and got a lovely “Your Pregnancy: Day by Day” book.  We’ve already read through nearly half of it.  That same day, Tuesday, we told our immediate families.  Now, it’s time to tell you all!! 

Tomorrow I will update with how our orientation and first exam appointments went.  For now, though, it’s been a long and exciting day of sharing the news with family and friends.  I’m pretty worn out and Richard’s brought me ice-cream.  So we’re going to curl up and watch the Princess Bride and indulge in a little cookie dough! 

I’M SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!