This week has been a little rough on Richard and I. It hasn’t been a bad week, per say. Rather, when we were hoping for good news we got not-quite-good-or-bad news. It’s been more like several small but large let downs. Let me see if I can explain…
First, we're a little tight on money this month with Richard's switch to paychecks instead of cash. No biggie, really. But then my breaks started acticing funny (even though they were just replaced), which means a trip to the shop. And then, Richard got a ticket for his inspection sticker (PA instead of WV), which neither of us noticed cause they look friggin identical. Another trip to the shop and to the courthouse to pay the ticket. So while we were just looking at being tight until the 23rd, it looks like it might be more like the 6th of September. Not a huge deal, just frustrating. I was going to take him to Busch Gardens for his birthday (August 22nd), but we just can't swing it now. Bummer.
Then it gets a little bigger. I have a girl friend who is a real estate agent. We went to talk to her last week about rental properties for Richard’s mom. She’s supposed to be moving down this September. One thing led to another and the conversation turned to us. What if we bought a bigger house and his mom rented our current home from us? We’d been under the impression that this wasn’t possible because of our debt load and Richard’s commissioned income (moreover that he hasn’t been a dealer for 2 years yet). Apparently, Reinie (my friend) had found a lender more willing to work with the new dealers. Unfortunately, after a week of waiting on tenterhooks, we were informed that they are willing to go less than two years but they want to wait until December (or 18 months).
This is a pretty big bummer. I should be nice and pregnant by December and less interested in moving. What are we supposed to do with his mom between now and December/January? Do we get her an apartment and then move her and us when we can buy? Or do Richard and I find somewhere to hang out between now and then? Meanwhile, how on earth do I set up my nursery?!? I don’t want to set it up here, if we’re going to move before baby arrives. I cannot remain sane and wait until we move to even get started on setting up a space for Lil Pea. So what do we do?? What makes the most sense? I don’t think I want to wait a full year. I don’t want to move with a newborn either. I think I’d rather move pregnant.
So we’ve been dealing with all these questions and uncertainties since Monday. Then yesterday was our first fasting blood sugar and first ultrasound! We were both very excited about this part…
Well, I started feeling pretty sick on the way to Winchester. I felt hot and cold, shaky, and nauseated. I had a pretty good idea that wasn’t a good sign. My test was scheduled at 10, but I actually got poked a little earlier. Afterwards, Richard and I went to Bob Evans for breakfast. It took me a good solid half an hour to get more than juice down my throat. I felt awful and certain that if any food entered my mouth it would instantly reappear. Once I did manage to eat some, I started to feel better physically. Mentally, I already knew how my meeting with her later in the day would go…
Our ultrasound was at 1:15, so we walked around the Winchester Mall for a while before heading back. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to pass my blood sugar test with flying colors, but nothing could stop me from getting excited about seeing Lil Pea for the first time! Richard and I have looked up several ultrasound videos on You Tube between 10 and 12 weeks, just to get an idea of what we might see.
The room for the ultrasound was really small. I had expected something totally different. It was pretty much just an exam room with a computer and a TV on the wall. I put Richard under strict orders to take a picture with my phone so we could send it to my mom and sisters (which he totally forgot to do, lol). When Dr. D came in, she told me that I had not passed my blood sugar test that morning, but not by a lot. Just a couple little points. Nevertheless, she was going to label me with gestational diabetes and load me up on prescriptions for all the supplies I would need. She assured me that this wasn’t the end of the world and that it could all be easily managed through diet and exercise and drugs (if need be).
For starters, I get to prick my finger 4 times a day and record my results on a piece of paper I have to fax to them once a week. If my results are over 140, I have to tell them what I’ve eaten for the day/meal. I have to exercise daily, which I’ve almost been doing anyway. I’ve been about 5 days a week as previously discussed with Dr. D. I’ve been swimming every other day and I love that. I’m also riding my stationary bike at home some and walking some. I’ll be increasing all of that now. She is sending me to a dietician and/or a diabetic councilor. It was a bit of a blur so I have to check my papers and calendar to know for certain who I’m seeing and when.
Once we finished going over all of that, she had me lay down for our first peek at Lil Pea. This was the moment we’d been waiting for!! She was doing the first one vaginally because they weren’t sure how far along we were and she said she could expect clearer results vaginally. Good thing, too. Cause we were all pretty surprised when Lil Pea appeared on the screen. A very teeny tiny Lil Pea… When Dr. D did the crown-to-rump measurement, Lil Pea measured just 1.4 cm!!!! Putting us at only 7 weeks and 3 days!?!? Whoa… We thought we were a lot further along – even the doctor was surprised. But with the PCOS and my irregular ovulation cycle, I can’t say I’m that surprised there either.
Then she turned on the mic and we heard his/her little heart beat. Thump, thump, thump, thump. Whoa. I totally teared up. It was easily the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. Dr. D measured the heart beat and said it was good and strong. *sigh of relief* Good news. She snapped a picture for us… (It was the last of the paper on the roll, so it came out all bent up and cut off. *frown*)
So, I was a little bit of a mess last night. We came home from the doctors and I took a nap. I needed to absorb this new information. I can’t say I’m surprised, really. I’m not. I’m disappointed in myself. I feel a lot like I did after I graduated high school… Everyone kept talking about how important grades were, but I just never really understood. I felt like I’d learned enough. I felt like I was smart enough. Then when I got to college I realized what they meant. I realized that I didn’t know how to study. I realized I didn’t know how to write a paper or take good notes. And I wished that I could go back to high school and try again. I could do so much better if I could go back and fix it before it was a problem.
That’s how I feel now. I feel like if I could go back and fix this before it became a problem, I would. If I only understood then how I would feel now… sitting here… terrified…. My lil pea is still so little that so much could go wrong. And I’m not as healthy as I should be. I feel like such a danger to my own… ugh! Richard pulled some statistics and once you’ve heard a good, strong heart beat by the 7th or 8th week the odds of miscarriage drop to around 3%. So, he tells me that things are probably going to be okay.
So, for the next several weeks, I’ll be trying to get a handle on this sugar thing and spending some extra time at the pool/gym.
Oh! On more thing, our new due date is March 29th.
