Working my way through the 5 stages

Ya know, social media is a dangerous temptress.  While I truly love sharing my life and my thoughts with others, I tend to shy away from the sadder times.  I don’t like to burden others in any way, shape, or form.  So, I’m going to tell myself that you’re only reading this if you care to.  My reasons for feeling down are silly and petty when compared to others who have real problems in their lives.  Nevertheless, what causes one person pain may or may not bother another person.  It’s all about perspective. 

We’ve had a pretty frustrating couple of weeks.  Maryland Live opened their poker room at the end of August.  While Richard and I prepared and planned ahead for a drop in business at Charles Town, neither of us expected this significant of a drop.  He’s been forced out almost every day for the last week and a half.  One day, he was there for two hours and dealt to one table, making a whopping $26.  That’s not going to cut it for us, if this trend continues. 

We’ve reached a point, now, that requires us to consider our back up plans.  One is that Richard picks up a second part time gig to help us wade through this difficult time.  The other is a more long term solution, and that’s for me to go back to work.  Neither option excites me.  I don’t like the idea of Richard picking up another job and losing more time with the girls (and me!).  I also don’t like the idea of going back to work myself.  I LOVE being home with my babies!!  Just thinking about not spending every single day with them brings tears to my eyes. 

However, we need to face the reality that things in Charles Town may not improve enough for us to continue on our current path.  We have certain expenses that are only going to increase as time goes by (food, clothes, doctor bills, etc.) and we have to do what’s best for our family.  We’ve been discussing the pros and cons of all of the options before us a lot over the last several days and it’s really been weighing me down. 

I know that I’ve been very lucky and very blessed to have been able to stay home with my children as long as I have.  I’m very thankful for this time I’ve had.  I’ve always known that this was likely to end and things would probably have to change.  I guess I hoped that I’d have more time.  There are a lot of things he and I still need to discuss and no real decisions have been made, though I have started working my resume. 

In time, I might find myself excited about new possibilities.  For now, I’m going to let myself feel sad and I’m going to let myself wish that things were different.